Beyond the Grief of Divorce - 7 Steps Toward New Beginnings - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you have been divorced, you know it hurts - especially if your marriage had lasted many years. Whatever the circumstances of your relationship, and whatever the nature of its ending, there is always grief and regret - perhaps regret over the ending or perhaps regret over not ending the relationship sooner - or perhaps both. How to move past the grief and regret? No matter how painful, divorce, like all endings, opens the door to new beginnings. Let's examine several.

1. Get support: Don't be embarrassed to ask friends for support. Join a divorce support group. Join a more general women's or men's group like ManKind Project and share your story.

2. Reconsider your obligations: In reality, you have NO obligations. There is nothing you ever have to do, because everything you do or don't do is always a choice. Be especially clear that you don't owe anyone an explanation or justification for any of your actions - ever.

3. Simplify your life: There is nothing that you really NEED to have. Material possessions seldom bring joy. Consider eliminating whatever you haven't used in a year, and minimizing new purchases - not based on economy, but on your choice for leading a simple unencumbered life.

4. Try something new: What have you been wanting to do, but couldn't find the time or commitment to begin? Perhaps yoga, qigong, stretching, walking, a new spiritual class, a book discussion group, ballroom dancing.

5. Learn and explore: You are never too old for learning and discovery. Open your mind. Study something you always wanted to know about but that didn't seem necessary or practical - other cultures and times, comparative religion, whatever calls you.

6. Volunteer: Nothing works better for relieving self-pity than helping others who are worse off. Fill the time you would have spent feeling sorry for yourself by giving something of yourself to others.

7. Get away: If you can possibly afford it, take a trip with a group of compatible people - perhaps a spiritual journey. Also, ask what is tying you to the community where you currently reside. Now is a time to consider the question of where, and how, you really want to live.

Believe in yourself. You have free will. You, and only you, are responsible for your life.

Also read my article 7 Secrets for a Happy Life.

Joy is a Choice - but Not an Easy Choice

Of course you want to be happy, but life is hard. Your job's a pain, your family nags, and sometimes your body hurts, so how can a Joyful Life be a choice? It isn't an easy choice, but Joy IS a choice that you can make.

Some choices are easy, because clearly defined alternatives are available. Choosing between vanilla and chocolate ice cream is such a choice. Other choices sometimes don't even appear to be choices. If I live in Detroit, but I would prefer to live in Florida, I may not feel that I can choose to relocate. In reality, I always have a choice about where I live. I have my story about how my job, my house, my family, and my friends prevent me from moving, but it is truly only a story.

The greatest obstacle to a Joyful Life is your "story" about your life. Your story is filled with needs and obligations. You are sure that you "need" at least a certain income to live - and you likely feel that you "need" more money than you have. You "need" a "good" job. You "need" a big house. You feel obligated to do whatever your boss and your spouse ask of you. Perhaps you also feel obligated to serve your parents, children, friends, church, and more. STOP!

There is nothing I ever need to have.
There is nothing I ever need to do.
I say NO to the demands of the world.
I say YES to the longings of my own heart. - jlh

The secret to a joyful life is Simplicity - saying NO to the advertisements for the latest this and the most glamorous that - saying NO to chasing that next job promotion - saying NO to all the stressful demands upon your time and energy.

It's YOUR time - it's YOUR life - YOU get to choose how you use it. There is no way that your life is "supposed" to be. Your parents had their vision for your life. Your boss, your spouse, your church, your friends, and even the family next door have their ideas of how you should live your life. What about YOUR vision for your life? What do YOU want? YES, it matters what you want. YES you can have what you want.

CHOOSE the life you want, and CHOOSE to live Joyfully.